suck it, you ignoramus // why don't you crawl inside your son's closet // and hide away
Monday, June 15, 2009
Haiku Monday: Tweet, Tweet
Shout out to, well, me! I've been turning to Twitter lately to vent my work frustrations, and it's sure been paying off. I've become a poet of sorts - a lyrical truth-teller - as I like to call myself, and I have found it to be amusing and therapeutic.
So, in case you've missed out on my haiku-"tweets" over the past week, a couple of them have been posted below. Stay tuned for many, many more to come. (FML)
why must i spell everything out // for the stupid people // they will drive me to drink on the job
8:24 AM Jun 12th
the way you chew your pretzel nuggets // makes me want to fall in love // with my workload
about 2 hours ago
So, in case you've missed out on my haiku-"tweets" over the past week, a couple of them have been posted below. Stay tuned for many, many more to come. (FML)
why must i spell everything out // for the stupid people // they will drive me to drink on the job
8:24 AM Jun 12th
the way you chew your pretzel nuggets // makes me want to fall in love // with my workload
about 2 hours ago
P-O-R-N spells lawsuit! Very good, kids!
This story almost makes me wish I worked in a school. I would KILL to watch Camp Rock during my work day. Even better than Camp Rock? PORN. Seriously though, if these pre-schoolers' parents are this upset by a 45-second showing of hardcore, explicit porn, then they should really get over it. According to my own scientific research, exposure to pornography before the age of 8 might just be the best form of contraception. Imagine... you're a poor, little naive 5-year old, sitting with your classmates, all excited to watch your favorite Disney movie. No job to worry about. No bad economy to keep you awake at night wondering if you'll have a penny to your name the next day. Not a care in the world. Now imagine a hardcore sex scene appearing on the screen in place of Demi Lovato and The Jonas Brothers. Confused? YES. Scared? INDEEDY. Intrigued? NO.
My scientific findings show that it takes just 45-seconds of porn-watching to scar a pre-schooler for life. So, really, their parents should be happy. They needn't worry about giving the dreaded "birds and the bees" talk, and furthermore teenage pregnancy and sexual experimentation at a young age aren't even options. Sex will be feared by these kids throughout childhood, adolescence, college, adulthood, and senior citizenry. They just may never want to have sex. EVER. Parents, rejoice!
But this theory now begs the question: how to prevent drug/substance abuse? My answer: take the 5-year-olds on a trip to an AA-meeting. If that doesn't do the trick, then take them to a rehab center during detox. That should do it.
My scientific findings show that it takes just 45-seconds of porn-watching to scar a pre-schooler for life. So, really, their parents should be happy. They needn't worry about giving the dreaded "birds and the bees" talk, and furthermore teenage pregnancy and sexual experimentation at a young age aren't even options. Sex will be feared by these kids throughout childhood, adolescence, college, adulthood, and senior citizenry. They just may never want to have sex. EVER. Parents, rejoice!
But this theory now begs the question: how to prevent drug/substance abuse? My answer: take the 5-year-olds on a trip to an AA-meeting. If that doesn't do the trick, then take them to a rehab center during detox. That should do it.
Israeli Kugel
I came across an interesting news story today about a "kosher" search engine that was created for the Ultra-Orthodox Jews, specifically in Israel. And guess what it's called? No, not Jewgle or Joogle... but Koogle! Like Kosher Google! Except that I'd rather it stood for Kugel, a traditional Jewish dish because, let's face it, kugel (or "koogle") would be cooler and kugel is awesome.
Side note: The New York Times article that I read spoke about how Koogle was created for safer-browsing, to eliminate the temptation that the vast world of the internet has to offer (i.e. scantily clad women, inappropriate surfing - read: porn, and making purchases on the Sabbath - forbidden by Jewish law). I found it totally ironic that there was a racy (well, sorta) Canon ad along the right side of the article.
Side note: The New York Times article that I read spoke about how Koogle was created for safer-browsing, to eliminate the temptation that the vast world of the internet has to offer (i.e. scantily clad women, inappropriate surfing - read: porn, and making purchases on the Sabbath - forbidden by Jewish law). I found it totally ironic that there was a racy (well, sorta) Canon ad along the right side of the article.
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